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Gwyneth Paltrow has an entourage of 20 gurus, healers, therapists & fake doctors

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Star Magazine has an amazing story about Gwyneth Paltrow and her many, many “gurus.” If you’ve been reading her Goop-letters for a while, you may know that Gwyneth seems to have a huge assortment of holistic healers, yoga gurus, herbalists, pseudo-doctors and questionable “specialists” available to her at a moment’s notice. She often promotes their work, their theories, their “specialties” and their fake sciences on Goop, and I’m consistently amazed at just how many of them Gwyneth seems to know personally. Turns out, she would make Edina Monsoon balk at the sheer size of her health/beauty/body/soul entourage.

For Gwyneth Paltrow, it really does take a village to keep her forever young!

“Gwyneth has an army of people looking after her health,” says a source revealing that the actress keeps a battalion of 20 medical care providers on call, including an allergist, blood analyst, naturopath and osteopath Vicky Vlachonis, whose actual skill set is murky.

She also has a stress-relief team comprising a meditation teacher, a yoga guru, a Qi Gong expert and not one but four different massage therapists for cupping, Rolfing, hot stones and shiatsu.

And while Gwyn touts herself as a kitchen all-star, her lithe figure is really due to her four nutritionists, three personal trainers and “detox advocate” Dr. Alejandro Junger, who puts her on his signature cleanses.

“If anyone balks at all her gurus, she fires back that with her high-profile lifestyle, it’s necessary. Gwyneth should be the healthiest human walking the planet based on all the medical support she has!”

[From Star Magazine, print edition]

“…Vicky Vlachonis, whose actual skill set is murky…” Let’s be real, almost all of these jobs are very “murky.” I actually had to look up “Rolfing” because I thought it was just the elite way of saying Gwyneth has an eating disorder (“She doesn’t have bulimia, darling, she just Rolfs.”) Does anyone else find it funny that Gwyneth doesn’t have a GP (general practitioner)? It doesn’t seem like ANY of the “20 medical care providers on call” actually have a medical degree from an accredited medical school. Granted, I bet many of these healers have PhDs in Feelings from Sunbeam Granola University.

Sigh… this whole thing makes me sad. This is the very definition of #FirstWorldProblems. And what’s worse is that Gwyneth is only paying these people to tell her what she wants to hear – I doubt her health situation is any better or worse than the average peasant on the street. It might even be worse considering all of those stupid cleanses.

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Photos courtesy of WENN.

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